The Next Best Thing

Seems my life and the style I choose to live it have always been defined by 2 things- running away and searching. Never been able to pinpoint exactly what I need to run from or search for, but the feelings are persistently there. Gotta keep moving, changing, looking for the next best thing...
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“Catch that train, jump on that plane, here and there and back again. Well it seems like some kind of cruel fate, Keep me moving, moving in a permanent restless state. Seems like some days I don't have any goal, It's just the gypsy in my soul.” ~Van Morrison

“The next best thing is ‘round the corner, just look over your shoulder, never compromise.. Who cares if you’re unhappy ‘cause the next best thing will come along and be a surprise..” ~Shane Tutmarc

“Some folks may say that I’m no good, that I wouldn’t settle down if I could. But when that open road starts to callin’ me, there’s something over the hill that I gotta see. ..I love to see the towns a passin’ by, and ride these rails ‘neath God’s blue sky. Let me travel this land from the mountains to the sea, ‘cause that’s the life I believe He meant for me..” ~Hank Williams

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It’s definitely a lifestyle that keeps me on the move. Whether I’m physically able to find means to travel, or just relying on my overactive imagination to take my mind to another place, I keep changing my surroundings often in order to satisfy my wanderlust.

Putting together my 2011 travel scrapbook. What a great year!!

Ordinarily, I’m happy to be so nomadic. I’ve gotten to see and experience lots of things so far in life... learning what it is to be alive. And I’ve been constantly adding to that list of places to visit and explore, very excited to make the adventures a reality. But recently, I’ve been battling the thoughts of planting myself a bit and limiting myself to exploring life in a different way- by just being HOME...

Saying goodbye to Nashville this week has been honestly one of the toughest things I’ve had to do lately. Maybe ever. I’ve never so seriously considered missing a flight before- I’m usually very eager to fly away and experience the “next best thing” in life. But for some reason, this time, I felt grounded here, in so many ways.. attached to the faces and places around me, and rather CONTENT (an adjective I haven’t felt in quite some time).. Usually I can’t wait to move on to the next place and see what life has in store for me someplace else, but this time- it felt like everything I needed to find was right there. I still have no clue what I’m looking for, but that same something that told me to move to Nashville years ago was back, telling me that maybe, even if only just for a while, it was a time to stay put and figure things out someplace I really feel I belong.

It scares me to think- is this just part of GROWING UP? One of those epiphanies in life when you hit a certain point and realize things have changed? Maybe I can’t run forever. Maybe I’ll only find what I seek when I stop. I understand there is more responsibility that comes with adulthood, but I’ve always held onto the belief that one doesn’t need to fully grow up, ever- just to live by the book, work for ‘the man’, and let life run a ‘normal’ course. I know I’ll always have that childlike sense of adventure, desire for experiencing new things, and simple set of priorities. I don’t plan on settling down TOO much quite yet, as I won’t ever lose my wants and needs to travel to any corner of the world. But I don’t want to ignore the feeling I have to “stop and smell the roses” in a place I’ve been so easily able to think of lately as HOME.

My view of home as a kid. Oh, how things have changed..

“Home” is a word that’s always stirred a mix of feelings. Is it a building that holds all your stuff? Where you get your mail? Where you were born and grew up? Is it “where the heart is”? Where you sleep at night? Or go to for Christmas? Is it simply wherever you find yourself at the current moment? And if it’s a mix of things, which I feel it is, it makes it very hard to put a permanent label on a certain place declaring it “home”. But in viewing it the way I see everything else, it all comes down to what feels right. Where you can love, and be loved. Where things seem to fit and make sense.

And it’s ok if that changes! As often as it needs to.

I’m sure my “home” won’t always stay in one place forever. There’s just too much out there to ignore when, in theory, I’ve got a whole life ahead of me. But in choosing to let fate have its way with me, I can’t shut out my love of Nashville, my unusually strong interest in staying there, or how naturally its always been to say that it’s my “home”.

Always great to see ya, Nashville! You are music to my ears..

This week marks my 7-year anniversary of officially making the move to Tennessee. I’m so thankful I got to spend my recent days there and remember what an incredible part of my life it’s been. Thank you Nashvillians for these last 2 weeks (and on-and-off last 7 years..) filled with amazing reminders of who I am, who I want to be, what I love, and where I can always go to feel alive. It was the refreshing eye-opener that I needed, and I promise that I will be back SOON. To all of Nashville’s places and faces- I love you. I miss you already. You are my next best thing and I can’t wait to come back home to you.

Cheers to finding adventure wherever life takes you, and enjoying home wherever it may be..
~emjae.